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Relationships Thursday: The EX- Nightmare (Possessive Exes)

 

courtesy: www.thomasvan.com

courtesy: www.thomasvan.com

Relationships Thursday is a New Column by the Talented and Inspirational Nancy Wyna – Be Sure to leave her your comments if you enjoy this post

Most are times when we are caught up between staying and trying harder when we are in a noxious relationship. Living in a lie is painful and uncomfortable even when you really know that things will never work out.

Once in a lifetime majority have endured being in this kind of relationship and opted to stay.  It baffles me at how we would rather stay in a horrible relationship where we are told often how awful we are, how much of a mess up we are, how portly we are, how pitiful we are, how everything is our fault and how wrong we are screaming and hollering at everything, but what is more depressing is that we would rather take all so that we don’t have to be ALONE.

You feel more by yourself in that connection, it reaches a point when one realizes that there is need for break up and no time for make ups, you comprehend that some chapters have to close and new ones must open, even if you are still trying you understand that being alone is better; you don’t have to deal with drama your inner voice tells you.

For Charity, a public relations officer, who is single and going through hearing after a dreadful break up says”I stopped being inter-reliant on toxic relationships and started loving myself more, I learned to love me enough to thrive as a single. I got lost in my purpose and became the boss of my life I learned to love my alone time, because I loved me. Understand this, the precise relationships won’t distract you from God and happiness; they bring you closer to God and happiness”

It is clear that even if she is still going through the hearing process she is not going to forget the ordeal which she has been through. The ex boyfriend had already learned her weakness which now he is using to get her back.

Many exes still find a reason to get what they lost, but is only after they see the other part rising to successful grounds, this is the only time they understand what they lost how important they were and how they were good together. Unfortunately if the other one is not ready to go back, the ex seems to learn other new tricks not to get you back but to make sure that he/she pulls you down to make sure that you don’t leave his standards. It’s crazy to the extent which they go… to always call you those odd hours, always post on your Facebook timeline, comment and like all posts you make.

The most intolerably thing is when they become frequent stalkers who always look for you at places where you hang around only to cause drama, as they are a bit on the possessive side. They are the same being who told you they want you to be happy and they need a break, but they are the first in the next breath who gets incredibly upset when you decide to move on and date someone new. You’re exasperated, as you should be. You two aren’t together anymore so he has no claim on you, right? That’s the way you see it but chances are good he/she views it in a much different way.

If you’re tired of listening to your ex who tells you that he or she is over you yet doesn’t want anyone else to have you, it’s time to jump off that emotionally exhausting train. You have every right to date whoever you want for once and date someone new. You understand why your ex is still being so territorial you may decide that actually they are still the one for you.

If he/she doesn’t want anyone to have you truth is he still has feelings for you. It’s really that simple. As much as they may claim that that they are happy you two have broken up, there’s obviously something else going on beneath the surface for them.

Typically when a couple decide to call it quits, they go through a short mourning period before one of them jumps right back into the dating pool. The other soon follows and their relationship last parts, the time they spent together becomes a distant memory. If one person can’t let go completely they’ll have enormous trouble knowing their ex is dating anyone. They don’t care who that other person is, they just don’t like the idea in general. That’s exactly what your ex begins to experience.

You can absorb their behavior as romantic if you’re inclined to. For any person who has been struggling to let go of her ex emotionally, knowing that he’s possessive is actually a plus. You should talk to him/her about this but expect them to deny feeling anything beyond concern for you. If they are unwilling to admit that he/she is wild about you still it may be time to cut all ties, simply because you’ll continually be faced with his input about the new people you date until they feel the need to let go.

If you’re ready to move on it’s time to disengage yourself from your exes life. That means you need to stop sharing so much with them. Your relationship is over and if they continue to contact you to garner information about whom you’re dating or what you’re doing, you need to step up and let them know that it’s not their concern anymore and wish them well.

In the case of an ex who is learning about your current spouse through mutual friends, you need to rethink the people you are closest to. Who you are interested in romantically, and where that relationship leads is not their business. Cherish your new relationship and don’t share more details than what is necessary with anyone who contacts your ex. In time, your ex will bore of this and turn his attention to someone new.

— kindly share your comments—– see you again Next Thursday— Thanks for stopping by!

Nancy Wyna

Unmistakably Nancy, Relationships Writer and Upcoming Author.

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