Relationships Thursday: Why Growing in Love is Better than Falling in Love!
Read about all this important piece of the puzzle from the talented Nancy Wyna — this post had been earlier published on the blog under a different title. Enjoy!
Have you ever met someone you thought you had fallen in love with just to realize later that you could not even stand being around him/her? Yeah, that is what happens when people are only attracted to others because of their physical appeal.
Love is a beautiful feeling that everyone is looking to experience at least once in their lifetime. That is why most of us are looking for the fairy tale and soap opera kind of love which will sweep us off our feet. Unfortunately for us this kind of love only happens in children’s books and television and cannot find room in the reality.
According to Oxford dictionary, to fall means to drop from a higher to a lower place, to be defeated, while to grow means to increase in number, quality and strength. Even as the name suggests, falling in love seems like something accidental which may probably leave you bruised and put you in a disadvantaged, awkward position. Whereas growing in love is something mature, strategic and planned. It is something that requires a lot of tender loving care for it to blossom into something beautiful. Research shows that most happy couples in the world did not experience the Love at first sight cliché with their current spouse.
While most of us are still looking for this kind of love, it is good to note that it does not go the same way as in the fairy tales or soap operas. In reality, for a love to flourish it needs a lot of care, attention and nurturing and it can get very ugly if one of these things is lacking. That is why people ought to grow in love rather than fall in to it.
While falling in love may seem romantic and exciting, it implies something instantaneous that leaves no room for something else to happen so that one is left wondering, what next, do you remain fallen, or do you get up dust yourself and move on?
Falling in love is mostly based on first impressions which are mostly restricted to the physical attraction and the ideal image that someone portrays on the first meeting. It is a rushed kind of love that does not give room for people to know more about each other and appreciate their differences that’s why you will probably hear people say things like, he/she is not the woman/man they fell in love with. This is mostly true because they fall in love with the ideal image the person portrays but not the real person.
Grace, public relations professional says that she was not first attracted to the man she is going to marry. She was still hung over on her ex that even when Mark [her fiancé] first approached her, she completely ignored him. “He did not have the physical attributes I looked for in a man,” she recalls. “He was short.” However her indifference did not deter Mark from persistently asking her out and calling each and every day. His perseverance finally paid off and she agreed to go for a cup of coffee with him and from there, there was no looking back.
“Mark won me over with his patient, caring and loving nature that I now cannot imagine life without him.” She says with a smile. With their wedding around the corner, Grace wonders why she had hesitated to give Mark the chance.
Falling in love can be compared to going to the supermarket and buying a product that has an attractive packaging and then get home to find that the product is sub-standard and is not what you wanted. It is easy to fall in love but very hard and strenuous to maintain it especially if the relationship is bound for failure since none of the couple had chosen to be in this position.
On the other hand growing in love is something chosen by both parties, it gives both parties the time and space to analyze, think and decide if that is what they really want. They learn more about the strengths, attributes, weakness, of each other, what he/she likes or doesn’t like. And the more they learn about each other the closer and the more the love grows.
For love to grow and flourish it requires the attention and dedication of both parties involved. A love that is only one sided is bound for failure. So when a couple finally decides that they want to spend the rest of their life together, it is something that both parties are sure of and are willing to work on. Nothing will come as a shock to either of them or catch them off guard and even if it does they would have found a way to work it out.
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