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Letting Go: The Power of Forgiveness

“You are not a victim and you have not been victimized!”



One of the fundamental requirements of this life, is the ability to forgive; being able to forgive yourself and being able to forgive others. Not to be able to forgive keep us stuck in the past but you see sometimes we “act out, moving on”, when in fact we still have unresolved issues.

Moment to Reflect:
I grow up with a very strict father and although this was somewhat good for character development, it went to far, to a very large extent it was emotionally disturbing, as a child it was hard to reconcile certain things and as a result I had a lot of resentment towards him. I literally spent half of my life far from home, least to say “anything you run away from, you eventually have to deal with it!” Anyway, I went to a boarding school all my high school years and when I returned home it was not to long, then I got married and I was gone. Anytime when we have not forgiven or made peace with something/someone we become prisoned by it/them and this has a negative impact on other relationship as well.

Although I now enjoy a good relationship with my father but it was not until some hard work, that needed to be done.

When we don’t forgive by default;
We choose to remain in the past.
We choose to keep our pain.
We choose to be victims.

Eyes that are full of tears can’t see clearly, this is “metaphoric” by the way, but when we have not dealt with our pain and we have not forgiven, we turn to approach life differently. For instance, we become very defensive in our approach, angry in our out look, irritable, unfortunate this does not allow us to enjoy life, live it fully, have healthy relationships with others, WHY, because we are constantly, unconsciously in a fight with the the person that initially caused us pain and by the way this is also true with new relationships, if we start a new relationship and we have not dealt with issues properly from the previous relationship, we infect the new relationship, WHY, because we have not dealt with our pain, we have not dealt with our hurt, we have not resolved our issues, “subject for another day” but in a very disturbing way, we think if we let go of our pain, we will be letting go of the wrongs that the other person has done. Somehow we feel I need for these people to be charged and punished for the wrongs that they have done to us but the truth of the matter is, that is just a reflection of our pain/hurt, we may wait forever to see this happen and in the mean time, it may cost us dearly. Until we realize how destructive this is, we may live on in the hope that somehow the pain we hold, will pay us back and the truth is it never does.

Hurt people, hurt other people. If you have been hurt, you need to know that, IT HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT YOU and I know sometimes we like nursing the feeling of being a victim but any time we play the victim game, we give away our power.

“We all have different ways of being in this world” least to say that we can’t change other people but acknowledging that people who hurt us, are somewhat hurt themselves and that they have not dealt with certain issues, this moves us to see them differently, beyond the person whose just caused us pain. This in no way undermines the pain they have caused and does not mean that what they did is acceptable but at least from this point of view we can come to an understanding and hopefully we can forgive.

Have you forgiven?


Zanele is an Author of two upcoming books and a Wellness Consultant and Mentor. She has a sparkling personality and a strong catchy spirit and regards herself as ‘reserved extrovert’. As a mother and a friend she is tender-hearted and loving and runs a mentorship programme for pre-teens and teenagers with her daughter. She is passionate about writing/journaling, wellness, personal development and family.

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One thought on “Letting Go: The Power of Forgiveness”

  1. Adeola says:

    Nice one Zanele, as always.

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