Truth and Gentleness..
It was amazing how the conversation from my last blog article began a long debate on Twitter.
While I still believe that if a relationship has grown stale or the excitement has gone away – the light bulb is broken – the house isn’t replaced, but the light bulb is fixed instead.
The conversation questioned what happened if the light bulbs had all been fixed yet the light was still out. Does there come a moment when both realize that it is not just a light bulb, but the entire breaker box that is gone? Does there come a moment when through it all, both realize that the relationship has run its course?
So many of my friends are facing that same situation and wondering the same question. I am not an expert, nor do I hold any degrees of psychology or social behaviour. This is what I do know.
There may come a time when the relationship seems over and stale. There may come a time when both of you wake up and realize that what was felt in the beginning had lost its way. What then?
Do you stay just for the sake of staying? No one can tell you yes or no. No one outside of the relationship knows what is in the core of the heart of both partners. Soul searching is where both people have to go. Entering that place of what is difficult to admit. Entering together into the dark of the situation – together. Not separate, but together.
You both began together. You owe it to yourself and your partner to communicate the truth – no lies.
One thing I know to be true is that you have to be gentle with yourself and your partner.
Make sure that you stay all grown up in where you are going. Understand that in pain, tremendous amounts of growth become possible. Lessons of what works and what does not work come with hard and difficult choices, but through those choices? You can come out with the knowledge that you gave it your all and that you respect the other’s feelings and emotions just as much as you respect yours.
Yep, respect for your feelings and your partner’s becomes the key to being gentle with yourself.
There is a saying that we are all connected, and in realizing that connection, we have to know that how we treat our partner in the most difficult part of relationships is how we treat ourselves. Words can hurt, so take care that the words you say are what you would want to know and feel yourself. Truth and gentleness – goes a long toward healing for both of you.