What’s Your Come From?
I have shared here before that I try my best to follow the practices of The Four Agreements, an ancient Toltec wisdom. And for the most part, I do pretty well.
Let me remind you of the Four Agreements:
1 Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of trust and love.
- Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
- Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
- Always do your best – You best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
(Taken from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, 1997, front inside cover).
It’s amazing how, just as I thought I had a handle on numbers 1 and 4, I realized I still have work to do there. It is 2 and 3 that give me the most challenges, I thought. I’m doing better on number 3, but I still have a very long way to go.
It is number 2 – Don’t take anything personally – that is the thorn in my side. I am an INFJ. If you are unfamiliar with that acronym, I encourage you to take the Briggs-Myers personality test. It will open your eyes. I had taken it a long time ago when I was in Science of Mind ministerial training. I just recently took it again.
As I read the description of an INFJ, I realized that one of my personality struggles is that I take everything personally. I am very sensitive to each and every nuance and word, or lack thereof. And I internalize those feelings.
This is where the struggle begins. As I internalize other’s actions and reactions, I tend to become self-judging and self-critical, looking at those parts of me that I see as less valuable.
What I have learned is that I need to embrace when my feelings become so overwhelming and look at the other person’s “come-from.” We all have our own “come-froms” don’t we? Whether your come-from is from a past trauma, your upbringing, your personality, your own experiences in life, it is important and a part of how you perceive yourself.
Understanding our come-from helps us to understand others. Ah, it’s such a work in progress, isn’t it?
The one point I take very seriously in all of this is: I will not apologize for how I feel, who I am, or where I am at any given moment or time. That what I wish for all of you who are reading this. Understand that I am not always strong, and I struggle each and every day, but I hold onto the challenge of being me,
regardless of how anyone else sees me. That is what I have. And that is what you have.
Join me in embracing our come-froms and embracing this wonder of life, even when things are at their darkest, and we are unsure if we even want to continue. Feel each emotion from your own come-from and be impeccable with your word to yourself. Find your courage to ask questions – even the most difficult ones.