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Redefining Me…

Courtesy: allisasis.com

Courtesy: allisasis.com

If you follow me on Twitter, whether it is my personal account or my poetry prompt account, you know that I have been in the thick of a life changing move. Hard? Oh, wow! That is not even a third of the description.

I have been twisted inside out with this move. While the location to which I am moving is beautiful, I am giving up a huge piece of my life. Well, actually, I am relinquishing enormous chunks of my life.

And quite frankly, I have been on a mental and emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks. So, in an effort to make sense of this, I hope to share what I have felt knowing that we all face these moments in our lives. And we often need to know that we are not alone, and that others have felt the same emotions as well.

First, I am sentimental. I admit it! I live from my heart and emotions – often to my detriment. But that is where my fire and passion is found, and I know of no other way to live my life.

I am, in the strictest sense of the word, downsizing from an amazing artist loft – live/work studio – in the Bay Area to an RV on the river close to Mount Shasta. Downsizing from 2000 square feet of living space where I created art and words and where I co-habitated with the most amazing spirit friends to a tiny house/RV/Travel Trailer. It is a choice I have made to prepare myself for my new journey in life.

Yep, the loft is haunted. Now, don’t laugh or roll your eyes until you have spent a night there. Over the years, though, I made friends with the spirits of Civil War. Spanish American War, and other sundry soldiers. You see, the loft is a converted Officer’s Barracks that was built in 1872. The former military base was closed in 1963. In fact, the military base was the West Coast’s first defense in the early days of California and was the transition base for the import of camels that were used in both wars. Cool, huh?

I loved that space and leaving it has been heart wrenching. But packing away my treasured keepsakes to go into storage has been even worse. Looking over old family photographs, things that were gifts from my children, antiques from my grandparents, and journals filled with my tears, fears, joys, and successes has been the most difficult part.

So, I sit here in my brand new RV parked at an absolutely beautiful resort on the Sacramento River in the shadow of Mount Shasta as I write this. All of those things were either given to my daughters or are now in storage.

I have released what tied me so strongly to those memories. I am now redefining myself – who I am. My youngest daughter told me yesterday before she left to go home that this is good for me.

I admit when she first said that, I questioned her wisdom. But, you know what? It is good for me. As a matter of fact, it is the start of a new journey in my life. A new growth. A  new way of thinking.

I get to completely redefine myself and discover parts of myself that have been lost for a very long time.

As I write this article for my readers here, I would encourage you to find a way to grow. I said to a friend a few months ago that I had lived from fear for so long and that I was determined to stop living from fear.

Do you find the same? Look at your decisions. Are they from fear of growing and moving to new directions, or are they from a heart centered space that honors the best of you? Have you lost a piece of yourself?

It is never an easy process, and it can be quite painful. But, I am glad I am moving past the fears and redefining myself. I haven’t quite decided what my definition is yet, but believe me! It is one that will blow your socks off!

Letting go and moving forward – it has to become even more amazing than before! I think I better go buy some more journals!

Camille Wylde

Camille is a poet, author, and artist with two books coming out soon. She leads women’s empowerment workshops and retreats focused on improving body image and teaching women to embrace their own beauty and sensuality. While the body of her work is in erotica and romance, she focuses on the strength of women and their inner voices. Kind hearted and loving, her motivation in writing and art is the beauty of women – all women!

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