A very wise teacher told me one day that I should never believe that feeling sadness or loneliness was a bad emotion. She told me that I should always embrace my feelings and let them teach me the lesson I need to learn.
I have to admit that this is a hard concept to grasp. I was raised in the South where all good little Southern girls hide their feelings behind their smiles and sweet demure masks. As my family was quick to point out, “Never let the crowd know you hurt.” My sweet adorable grandmother said it differently. “Oh, my! What would people think?”
In my life, I have certainly experienced the extreme of pain and trauma. I carry with me internal scars and exterior scars that remind me of what I have overcome to be the me that I am. The lessons I have learned have been excruciating, yet I continue to forge forward. Why? Because I have to!
I have shared that one of my closest friends is in that final stage of cancer where her transition is imminent. I have spent that last two weeks going deep within and trying to make some sense of it all.
In fact, my last blog post here two weeks ago was about saying goodbye. Last week, I did not write here or much of anywhere else. I simply had too much emotion to be able to put it into words. I needed to embrace my feelings and see what they needed to teach me.
I would like to be able to say that I know now what they are teaching me. I would love to be able to offer some amazing platitudes, but, alas, my heart remains heavy with the upcoming loss of her hugs and physical presence in my life.
Yes, I know. Her spirit will remain with me. She is simply going to live in another plane. There is no death, simply another way of living. I know all this. And I so appreciate the friends that have offered these condolences to me. I know they come from a place of love and wanting to help.
In my private energy work practice and spiritual counseling practice, I have worked with grief and loss. One thing that I always make sure to tell my clients is this: Feel your grief. Be mad! Be sad! Let your heart know that you hear its pain. Don’t try to hide the tears. Shed those tears. When you are ready, then let’s look at where you are. Let’s start healing.
So, this is what I know about my lesson in all of this. My friend has had more of her share of pain in her life – just like me. My friend found love later in life – just like me. My friend finally embraced her pain and let it go. Ok, that’s not just like me – yet.
My lesson in this? When I visited her to say goodbye, her words to me as I left her home were this, “My sweet Goddess Sister, I will soon dance among the sisters before us. I will soon dance the ecstatic dance we were meant to dance. I waited too long to dance here in this life.
Dance, my sister. Grieve for me – then dance your f—— heart out. Thumb your nose at cancer, and dance your f—— heart out!”
And so, I will grieve. I will be angry at cancer for its invasive presence in my life. And I will dance my f——- heart out!